What an experience, I was enjoying a sweet conversation about making love and staying fresh and hygienic after this big act. As soon as I started to talk about the bidet my dear friend flipped! ‘What? A bidet is for your feet right? Why should you want to clean your feet after having sex?’

So, especially for him…here are the simple steps for using a bidet properly 😉

1. Straddle the bidet.On most standalone bidets you can either face the bidet’s water controls or you can face away from them, as you would on a toilet. It is easier to control the flow and temperature of the water if you face the controls, but if you are wearing pants you will generally need to remove them in order to straddle the bidet in this manner. There are a variety of bidet designs, so the configuration of the jets and the area of your body that you wish to clean may dictate which way you need to face
2. Adjust the temperature and jet strengths for comfort.If the bidet has both hot and cold water controls, start by turning on the hot water. Once it’s hot, add the cold water until you have a comfortable temperature. (In normally hot climates, such as the middle east, you should start with the cold water. The water will not need time to heat up and you may end up burning sensitive areas if you turn the hot water on first.)

• Be very careful when turning on the water, as many bidets can produce a very high jet of water with only a slight turn of the control.
• Be sure that you know where the water will be coming from ahead of time, or you could end up with a surprise shower. If your bidet does have a spray nozzle set in the bowl (unlikely in the UK due to regulations), place your hand above it to subdue any jet of water and then either press or pull the diverter lever between or immediately behind the taps.
• You may find that you need to hold the control to keep the jets on.

3. Position yourself over the water jets so that the jets hit the desired area.For some bidets you can continue to hover above the bidet or you can sit down on it. Note that most bidets don’t have seats, but are still meant to be sat upon; you just sit directly on the rim. Some bidets do not have jets, but instead simply have a faucet that fills the basin, as you would fill a sink basin. And wash your hands afterwards.

TRANSLATION IN DUTCH

Hilarisch! Ik moest echt bijna in mijn spreekwoordelijke broek plassen toen ik een verhit gesprek had over seks en hygiëne. Nu is dat per definitie leuk om over te converseren, maar dit specifieke lachwekkende moment ging over de bidet! Ja, de bidet!

Mijn gesprekspartner was volledig het Noorden, Zuiden, Oosten en Westen kwijt….’Wat? Dat is toch een ding om je voeten mee te wassen? Waarom zou jij je voeten willen wassen na een vrijpartij?’

Dus, speciaal voor mijn dierbare vriend….de gebruiksvriendelijke stapjes om de bidet te gebruiken.

Even kort de bocht: kraantje aan, erboven hangen en denken dat je aan het wakeboarden bent, erna even alles netjes afdrogen, kraantje dicht, handjes wassen en je bent helemaal fris & fruitig!